An Atheist, an Unbeliever, and a Baby

So, after just celebrating my one-year anniversary, on my second to last semester of grad school, 8 years on the birth control pill, and literally just after we bought our first house, I am pregnant. I found out the morning that we closed on our very first house. As of tomorrow, I will be 4 months pregnant.

Max (now nicknamed "SuperSperm")and I were not even planning to start trying for a few years. In one sense, I am so grateful that I got pregnant after we bought the house and got married, and kind of surprised that I am even able to get pregnant (I pessimistically pictured us having problems and having to struggle with pregnancy; even though my husband's family has a tradition of potent sperm, the women in my family have had mixed success conceiving). On the other hand, I feel so unprepared; I don' know what we'll do for money (I have to work), christening (the next big battle looming in the near future) and just life.

None of or friends have babies. Most of them aren't even married. My sister-in-law does, but we are not that close, and we have extremely different views on some things (she's an "earth mother" who seriously considered home schooling and loves being a stay at home mom; I, while respecting her choice, want to work and be a good mother...if only I could figure out how).

Max has been great through this whole process. He has been working like a maniac on the house, all while making dinner (I couldn't really be around most food for the first trimester), most of the chores, and encouraging me to take it easy. I don't know how I made it through finals, but I did somehow.

Apologies for my long absence, but it took me the whole of my first trimester to accept this reality!

Also, check out the new poll!

Atheist=Hell?

My husband, Max, who is quite a proud atheist, always says that he likes the Native American tradition, where the earth itself was worshipped, along with all things natural, including the sun and the animals used for nourishment. In some tribes, they would give thanks to the animal they had just slaughtered for giving up its life so that they may live. This deceptively simple form of worship worked because the Native Americans were respectful and even a bit in awe of the things that allowed them to live: water, animals, the sun, and many more. This makes sense to my very practical Max, because they directly thanked the things that gave them life, rather than some questionable omniscent presence.

I am not an atheist, although my husband is. I, personally, do believe that there is something out there. It is not necessarily a god, or even a presence, but it is something. I don't know what, if anything, is out there, and I'm okay not knowing. I don't think a lack of knowledge equates to a lack of faith or morality; it just means that I accept that there are things that I will not know for certain, and that's okay.

Can you be a moral person without being a religious one? Many people say no, you cannot. Without religion, how will you know what is right and wrong? I disagree, as a non-religious person myself, and one who always makes the effort to do the right thing, although not always successfully, I admit.

People come down to two things: nurture and nature. If you are raised by good people, or at least have good people in your life as an example, then it is much easier to be a moral person. Not having this presence does not mean that you have no chance for moral rectitude, however; it just makes it a bit harder. There is something in our very core, perhaps the soul, that is some unchangeable material that makes up who we are. This does not set your fate, but rather tilts your inclinations one way or another. This, I feel, is partly why some people who are victims of abuse are able to rise above it, while others succumb to the vicuous cycle. It is certainly possible to use religion as your moral guide; however, it is not the only way to live a life as a moral person.

In the end, I guess I feel as long as I try to be a good person, and succeed for the most part, it is unlikely that any deity will not allow me entrance to the good afterlife because I did not worship the right way. I just don't believe any one religion is right, so why choose one and force myself to stand with something I do not completely believe? That seems dishonest. So I continue my solitary quest to be a good person, relying on what I was taught by my parents, and what I believe in myself to be right.

A member of our bridal party was unhappy that we married in the church, because he felt as we are not believers, it wasn't right. Max really didn't want to marry in the church, but I did as it was a place where my grandparents (who both died before our wedding) worshipped at, and it made me feel like they were a part of my day. Max, great husband that he is, reluctantly agreed because I felt so strongly about it.

I know some people who would not have married an atheist, either because Max's beliefs are so opposite to their own it would have been a constant source of contention, or because they truly feared marrying an atheist would be wrong, or against their religion. Obviously, with my own lax beliefs, this was not an issue for me. Sometimes I worry about Max, that maybe he shouldn't talk so openly about his beliefs (or lack thereof); maybe I, as his wife, should try to make him a bit more religous on the chance that something bad will happen to him after he dies. But I don't, because I feel, deep in the place where reason disappears and you just know, that he is a good person, and that we will both be okay.

Feel the Heat

In lovely Bucks County, PA, it has been over 100 degrees the last few days, all day. My car has a temperature reading on the dashboard, and even in the morning it never got under 92 degrees. It was ridiculous.

Even if you're almost always cold, like me, such excessive heat can make the most cheerful person a bit more cranky than usual. So I was pleasantly surprised when Max and I had one of the best work nights in a long time.

Tuesday is Max's one weeknight off from Tae Kwon Do classes (Fridays are hit or miss, depending on our weekend plans). He goes to the gym and works out, and I usually go to Spin class or just run on the treadmill. So about 4:00 pm I e-mailed him and asked him if he wanted to kind of blow off our usual routine. To my surprise (Max is rather a stickler about his workouts), he enthusiastically agreed.

First, we drove to two houses we are possibly interested in putting an offer on (no, not the Victorian; I don't know if that is a realistic possibility). One is this dreadfully ugly former store/house that it right in the middle of beautiful houses selling for more than double the asking price of the house. Max is enthusiastic, but I am concerned because it is on a main road, and the taxes are very high. We wanted to see what the traffic flow (and noise level) was like around "rush hour" (PA rush hours are kind of a joke to us; we grew up on Long Island, where rush hour literally means not moving at all for an hour). It wasn't too bad. The second house, upon a second look, disappointed us with the neighborhood. Not sure we will be pursuing that one.

Next, in lieu of our usual workouts, we went to our gym's pool and swam laps for about 45 minutes. With the horrible heat of the day, it was just lovely to plunge into the cool water. It was fairly crowded, so we swam separately at first, but as the crowd thinned out we did our usual races (which he always wins; I'm not a great swimmer) and then just swam toward each other in our lane, his splashes spurring me on.

Max even relented his semi-firm "no going out to dinner before he gets paid" rule, and we went to a very causual restaurant, as my hair was still wet and I was wearing a dress meant to be worn over bathing suits. The dinner was just okay, but it was a wonderful night.

I've always believed the reason Max and I have been able to stay together so long is because we never bore one another. We always want to talk to each other, and the conversation is always good; last night, it was exceptional, so we felt very close to one another. It was a wonderful end to a fairly miserable (weather-wise) day.

What I'm reading now: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

On deck: A Jean Plaidy book; haven't decided which one yet.

This Could Be the Start of Something New

So I've been married for almost six months. Even though I've been with my husband for a very long time, and we've lived together (all over the world, actually), marriage does make a difference. On our honeymoon (see picture--I left it a bit dark on purpose), Max (obviously not his real name; kind of a spin-off of a nickname I have for him) and I had this conversation:

Max: Now that we're married, I feel differently about cheating.

Lee: What do you mean? Now it's okay? Or was it okay before and now it's not?

Max: Stop. Not what I meant. It seems more important now not to cheat on you, like it would be worse now somehow.

Lee: Okay then. (big sigh of relief that I did not just marry a cheater)

Just recently, we had a conversation about how (if?) things have changed since we were married. When people ask me "How's married life?" I tend to smile big and say, "Exactly the same, only now we have some money in the bank!" How do you explain to an acquaintance that things are deeper, realer somehow?

By the way, my husband does happen to be an atheist; however, he has a severe moral code of honor for himself. I didn't name my blog this to offend anybody. We were actually married in the Catholic church (very long story) and I'm kind of a vague Catholic myself. Honestly, the name just kind of flowed and felt right.

Well, that was my first blog. Nowhere to go but up, I guess...