I hate moving

I hate boxes. I hate lugging heavy boxes up and down stairs. I hate trying to fit couches through a door made for shorter (and skinnier) people in the 1900s. I hate that our family not only helped us moved, but also helped us clean (I feel so guilty about it!). I hate not knowing where things are in my own house. I hate how our cat Bruce already ran outside twice, once almost getting hit by a car. I hate that my in-laws saw my underwear drawer. I hate that we spent the three days we had off working nonstop. I hate how much money it takes to move when we should be saving every penny for our first mortgage payment. I hate that we finally own property and two red cars park in front of our house, and I don't want to say something and be perceived as the bad neighbor. I REALLY hate that we forgot the garbage pick up was today.

However....

I love that our neighbors brought us cookies and brownies. I love that our family rocks and pitched in without complaint. I love that our house is unusual, unexpected, and completely unique. I love that there are kids playing in both backyards that we can see. I love that you can hear the local baseball game from our porch. I love watching (sometimes helping) Max completely tear down a room and rebuild it. I love that our cats love the stairs. I love sitting outside at night and breathing in the cool air. I love that we were able to use our wedding money for this rather than to pay off debts, as so many of our friends and family members were forced to do. I love that Max and I have achieved our own personal American dream.

I hate moving, but I love where I now live. Even though we had termites, had mold, have ants, and have spent I-don't-even-want-to-know at Home Depot this week, I know that we are home.

Poll Results:
How did your family react when you told them you were an atheist and/or not religious?

How did your family react when you told them you were an atheist and/or not religious?

They were happy. 7%
They were not happy, but accepted it. 25%
They didn't care. 30%
They were sad. 23%
They were furious. 15%

I was not surprised that the smallest percentage were happy about this choice. I was, however, pleased to note that over half of the families either didn't care or at least accepted it. This seems to indicate a positive trend toward acceptance. It is sad that families can still be furious at those of us who choose not to follow a religious path.

Were you surprised by these results? Any suggestions about what to ask next? Let me know!

Jealousy vs Envy: Two Different Things?

I consider myself to be a pretty good person. I consciously and consistently try to be a good friend, wife, daughter, sister, in-law, etc. I really do. And when people I love do well, or if something good happens to them, I am always, genuinely, happy for them. However, there is in me a streak of envy, which I have in the past deplored and tried to ignore. This happened very strongly to me a few months ago, when two of our very good friends as well as a family member looked like they were going to buy a house, whereas Max and I were still searching. We were especially upset because we tried so hard to do all the right things (pay down debt, save for a down payment, see a financial counselor, and so on). I was quite envious of these people whom I love, and I was ashamed of myself for being so. However, I have come to think that there is a difference between jealousy and envy.

After doing a quick search, I found these definitions:

jealousy: jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

envy: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

Note the word "resentment" in the jealousy definition, which immediately makes the feeling more active and agressive. Also, jealousy is directed at an external person; the emotion is directed outward. Envy, on the other hand, seems to be more directed toward yourself; it is not so much wishing for someone else to fail, but wishing to achieve comporable success yourself. The discontent mentioned is from a lack in yourself, and, therefore, can be fixed by you.

Besides from semantics, there is just an essential difference in feelings, I think. Jealousy can cause you to act differently, to even resent a friend or family member for their perceived successes. Envy does not allow you to change your behavior toward others.

I still feel badly about feeling even a little envious of my friends and family, but, at the same time, I am truly happy for them, and they do know that. There are people who let envy and/or jealously stop them from being happy for others, but I will never allow myself to get to that point.

Do you ever find yourself struggling with these feelings? Or is it just me?

What I'm Reading Now: The Reluctant Queen

On Deck: The Lion of Justice

Bad, Bad, Blogger

To my possibly non-exisistent readers, I apologize for not having blogged at all in a whole month. To be honest, I was afraid to, because I had huge news that I was terrified to blog....

We bought a house! And not any house, but the house that we have wanted from the beginning. We had actually made two offers on it, but we were ignored, and told there was little hope, so we tried to move on. But, always, it would linger in the back of our minds, forcing comparisons to any other house we saw.

So just about a month ago, Max and I were getting extremely frustrated in our house search. It also didn't help that our good friends and his sister both had offers accepted for houses. We were thrilled for them, but it also made our own situation seem worse. Few new houses were coming on the market, and every one we did see had some major problem (bad neighborhood, ranch, too much of a fixer-upper, and so on). We were both feeling, frankly, miserable about the situation.

So we decided to go to Washington D.C. to take our minds off it. We figured since we weren't spending money on a house, we might as well spend it on a vacation. We had a wonderful time! As we were standing on the Metro platform our last day in D.C., Matt and I both realized we had a message from our realtor. This was not unusual; she would often call to check in. Since we were waiting for the train anyway, I decided to listen. As I did, my jaw literally dropped and Max looked visibly shaken by my reaction, asking what was wrong. After nearly 6 months of ignoring our (low but reasonable) offers, the women who owned the Holly house (as we call it) decided that if we could give a formal offer backing the last verbal offer we gave, she would "seriously consider" it.

So Max and I spent the day in D.C. in a bit of a daze. It was so close, and we didn't know if we could stand it if it fell through at that point. To be honest, there is still the slight possibility it may fall through (we haven't locked in our mortgage yet because the rates are so volatile and the inspection may have an unpleasant surprise), but I felt the need to blog about it. If everything goes smoothly, Max and I will be the proud owners of a nearly 100-year old Victorian house come October!

I should mention that we had not only given sound verbal offers, but I had also written this woman a letter thanking her for letting us look and her home and entreating her to keep us in mind if she did decide to sell for a lower price. She was apparently very touched by our letter, and was only willing to sell at a lower price to us. So I look forward to years of reminding Max that I got us the house (:-)).

So we are now on to frantically saving as much as humanly possible over the next few months. This house needs a lot of work (Max's dream!) and I don't want to struggle once we move in. The house is heated by oil, which is clearly not ideal, but what can you do?

So, I do apologize for my absence, but hope you will be rewarded by interesting house buying/moving/living posts!

What I'm reading now: The Mercy of Thin Air
On deck: something chick-lit; school starts very soon!

Feel the Heat

In lovely Bucks County, PA, it has been over 100 degrees the last few days, all day. My car has a temperature reading on the dashboard, and even in the morning it never got under 92 degrees. It was ridiculous.

Even if you're almost always cold, like me, such excessive heat can make the most cheerful person a bit more cranky than usual. So I was pleasantly surprised when Max and I had one of the best work nights in a long time.

Tuesday is Max's one weeknight off from Tae Kwon Do classes (Fridays are hit or miss, depending on our weekend plans). He goes to the gym and works out, and I usually go to Spin class or just run on the treadmill. So about 4:00 pm I e-mailed him and asked him if he wanted to kind of blow off our usual routine. To my surprise (Max is rather a stickler about his workouts), he enthusiastically agreed.

First, we drove to two houses we are possibly interested in putting an offer on (no, not the Victorian; I don't know if that is a realistic possibility). One is this dreadfully ugly former store/house that it right in the middle of beautiful houses selling for more than double the asking price of the house. Max is enthusiastic, but I am concerned because it is on a main road, and the taxes are very high. We wanted to see what the traffic flow (and noise level) was like around "rush hour" (PA rush hours are kind of a joke to us; we grew up on Long Island, where rush hour literally means not moving at all for an hour). It wasn't too bad. The second house, upon a second look, disappointed us with the neighborhood. Not sure we will be pursuing that one.

Next, in lieu of our usual workouts, we went to our gym's pool and swam laps for about 45 minutes. With the horrible heat of the day, it was just lovely to plunge into the cool water. It was fairly crowded, so we swam separately at first, but as the crowd thinned out we did our usual races (which he always wins; I'm not a great swimmer) and then just swam toward each other in our lane, his splashes spurring me on.

Max even relented his semi-firm "no going out to dinner before he gets paid" rule, and we went to a very causual restaurant, as my hair was still wet and I was wearing a dress meant to be worn over bathing suits. The dinner was just okay, but it was a wonderful night.

I've always believed the reason Max and I have been able to stay together so long is because we never bore one another. We always want to talk to each other, and the conversation is always good; last night, it was exceptional, so we felt very close to one another. It was a wonderful end to a fairly miserable (weather-wise) day.

What I'm reading now: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

On deck: A Jean Plaidy book; haven't decided which one yet.

Marriages, houses, and babies, oh my!

Since we've been married, Max and I have been trying to make some major decisions. The two biggest ones are where to live and when to have a baby. The baby issue is extremely complicated, so I will explore that in a separate post.

First of all, Max and I are New Yorkers. We were born and raised on Long Island, and to us, "the city" will always be Manhattan, although we've lived in Philly and in London. We made the decision to move out of New York after college because we wanted our own place, and, eventually, our own house. It is almost impossible to find a good starter home on Long Island for two people who, frankly, are not in get-rich-soon type of careers (he's an industrial designer; I'm an editor and grad student). So, after going to college in NJ (me) and PA (him), when it was time to get a place, we chose Bucks County, PA. Most of the time, we are quite happy with out choice. We love the area, and four of our best friends in the world live here. We both like our jobs, we have good commutes, and we like the people. But we are not near any of our family.

My family is still on the Island, while his has moved to upstate NY. To visit mine, it's not too bad: 1 hour and 1/2 to 2 hours (sometimes, more, depending on LI traffic). His: 3 and 1/2 hours away. His sister is slightly closer: 2 and 1/2 hours away. Since we see our families a lot, and we are the ones who moved away, this translates into a lot of traveling on our weekends. And we just can't think of a way to improve the situation. We can't afford LI (and Max doesn't want to live there) and we do not want to move upstate. It really weighs on us, especially Max. He really wants to be close to his family. But, for now, we are staying where we are, and are mostly happy about it.

We've been looking for a house since January, right after we got back from our honeymoon. We've had a few possibilities, but nothing has panned out. We'd like to take advantage of this buyer's market, but we (I) are terrified that we might get in over our head. So we wait, have our parents come up and look at the house, and we lose the house we are interested in. There is one house that we love. It's out of our price range (by 30,000), but in a buyer's market, we had a shot. So we made an offer, which was not even considered. Max refuses to offer more, even though we can afford to go a little higher, because he says the amount of money it will take to fix up the house does not justify a higher price. And he's right, but it's disappointing. So I wrote the buyer a letter, asking her to keep us in mind if she does decide to sell for a lower price.

The house is a beautiful old Victorian that has fallen into disrepair. It is owned by an elderly widow who is going to live with one of her children. Her husband did a lot of work on the house, but at one point he became sick and could no longer upkeep it. So it needs a lot of work, both esthetic and structural. The seller, however, refuses to "give her house away," and will accept nothing a few thousand under her asking price. Her realtor thinks she doesn't want to move, and this is why she is being stubborn. He's probably right; the house has been on the market for a year. We do not expect results from the letter, but we can always hope.

So with our only real prospect unlikely, our realtor told us that it looks like the mortage industry is heading back to requiring 20% down before buying a house, and we might want to consider that and not wait for too long to "get in the game." She suggested looking into a condo or townhouse, which the husband strongly opposes, or widening our search area, which is probably what we'll do.

Max's must-haves for a home:
1. Must need some work done to it (as a former carpenter, he would not be happy in an already fixed-up house)
2. Garage (so he can have a workshop)
3. Close to our gym/his karate classes
4. Good resale potential

Lee's must-haves:
1. Not on a main road
2. Nice neighborhood/decent school district
3. Some character; I don't want a "cookie-cutter" house
4. Preferably not a ranch

So we're a little depressed about the house search now, but we will march on. Anybody else going through this? Please post any encouragement/stories you can.

What I'm reading now: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

On deck: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix