I consider myself to be a pretty good person. I consciously and consistently try to be a good friend, wife, daughter, sister, in-law, etc. I really do. And when people I love do well, or if something good happens to them, I am always, genuinely, happy for them. However, there is in me a streak of envy, which I have in the past deplored and tried to ignore. This happened very strongly to me a few months ago, when two of our very good friends as well as a family member looked like they were going to buy a house, whereas Max and I were still searching. We were especially upset because we tried so hard to do all the right things (pay down debt, save for a down payment, see a financial counselor, and so on). I was quite envious of these people whom I love, and I was ashamed of myself for being so. However, I have come to think that there is a difference between jealousy and envy.
After doing a quick search, I found these definitions:
jealousy: jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
envy: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.
Note the word "resentment" in the jealousy definition, which immediately makes the feeling more active and agressive. Also, jealousy is directed at an external person; the emotion is directed outward. Envy, on the other hand, seems to be more directed toward yourself; it is not so much wishing for someone else to fail, but wishing to achieve comporable success yourself. The discontent mentioned is from a lack in yourself, and, therefore, can be fixed by you.
Besides from semantics, there is just an essential difference in feelings, I think. Jealousy can cause you to act differently, to even resent a friend or family member for their perceived successes. Envy does not allow you to change your behavior toward others.
I still feel badly about feeling even a little envious of my friends and family, but, at the same time, I am truly happy for them, and they do know that. There are people who let envy and/or jealously stop them from being happy for others, but I will never allow myself to get to that point.
Do you ever find yourself struggling with these feelings? Or is it just me?
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1 comment:
I've been struggling with these feelings as well but not sure whether it's jeaalousy or enyv. but after I read your post, envy fits my feeling the most; the part that "envy does not allow you to change your behaviour toward others" is really what I've been having.
I feel envious toward my friend until like I'm going to explode yet I do wish him success and happiness. It's not his doing wrong if I can't have what he have had.
I guess envy allows you to work harder and motivates you to get what the person have got.
PS: I like your post; kinda helping me sort out my struggle :)
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