In lovely Bucks County, PA, it has been over 100 degrees the last few days, all day. My car has a temperature reading on the dashboard, and even in the morning it never got under 92 degrees. It was ridiculous.
Even if you're almost always cold, like me, such excessive heat can make the most cheerful person a bit more cranky than usual. So I was pleasantly surprised when Max and I had one of the best work nights in a long time.
Tuesday is Max's one weeknight off from Tae Kwon Do classes (Fridays are hit or miss, depending on our weekend plans). He goes to the gym and works out, and I usually go to Spin class or just run on the treadmill. So about 4:00 pm I e-mailed him and asked him if he wanted to kind of blow off our usual routine. To my surprise (Max is rather a stickler about his workouts), he enthusiastically agreed.
First, we drove to two houses we are possibly interested in putting an offer on (no, not the Victorian; I don't know if that is a realistic possibility). One is this dreadfully ugly former store/house that it right in the middle of beautiful houses selling for more than double the asking price of the house. Max is enthusiastic, but I am concerned because it is on a main road, and the taxes are very high. We wanted to see what the traffic flow (and noise level) was like around "rush hour" (PA rush hours are kind of a joke to us; we grew up on Long Island, where rush hour literally means not moving at all for an hour). It wasn't too bad. The second house, upon a second look, disappointed us with the neighborhood. Not sure we will be pursuing that one.
Next, in lieu of our usual workouts, we went to our gym's pool and swam laps for about 45 minutes. With the horrible heat of the day, it was just lovely to plunge into the cool water. It was fairly crowded, so we swam separately at first, but as the crowd thinned out we did our usual races (which he always wins; I'm not a great swimmer) and then just swam toward each other in our lane, his splashes spurring me on.
Max even relented his semi-firm "no going out to dinner before he gets paid" rule, and we went to a very causual restaurant, as my hair was still wet and I was wearing a dress meant to be worn over bathing suits. The dinner was just okay, but it was a wonderful night.
I've always believed the reason Max and I have been able to stay together so long is because we never bore one another. We always want to talk to each other, and the conversation is always good; last night, it was exceptional, so we felt very close to one another. It was a wonderful end to a fairly miserable (weather-wise) day.
What I'm reading now: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
On deck: A Jean Plaidy book; haven't decided which one yet.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Cubicle Culture
I spend most of my days in a cubicle. There is something inherently demeaning about being placed in a box with an empty space for a door. There is the semblance of privacy, but to me, a cubicle is always a fairly depressing place to work.
The funny thing is that my bosses were actually trying to better my working situation. I previously shared a moderately sized office with two other editors. I didn't have a lot of space, but I could kind of see who was coming, and I never felt as exposed as I do now. The cubicles were designed to give us more space (they are quite large) and we were allowed, even encouraged to order any kind of accessories we needed (bookshelves, etc). So I feel guilty for not liking my workspace at all, after they went to all that trouble. Originally, I was facing with my back to the door in the cubicle. Now I'm kind of facing to the side. When I asked about moving my desk around so I could face the "door," they tried to let me, but it just didn't work out because of the way it was built.
For me, the privacy factor is not because I'm doing anything illicit during work time that I don't want to be seen. I mean, I do visit the Internet occasionally, but I work really hard, and they seem to appreciate me for it. It is a comfort factor. If it were up to me, I would work at home, in my pajamas, navigating the keyboard between a cat on my lap and one dancing on the keyboard. Or, in an office setting, I would have a tiny office (I like feeling confined; I'm like a cat that way, I guess) with me facing the door, so i could see people come in and not be taken by surprise, and so I could close my door when doing an interview or on a conference call, or just if I wanted a little privacy. I don't even like eating at my desk because I feel so exposed.
Funnily enough, the coworker with whom I share a cubicle wall with actually likes cubicles, because, as she says, we get our own space but also share a larger social sphere as well. I can see what she's saying, but it still doesn't do it for me. I guess because I'm not all that social at work, I like to be able to really concentrate when I have to, which for me means, ideally, a closed space.
Well, I just kind of depressed myself about the whole cubicle situation. Luckily, I do really like my job, although they have made some strange time off decisions lately (more on that later, maybe). They allow me to go to school and were very flexible when I had my wedding last year. So, for the want of an office, my job will not be lost.
But I do wish I had a cat on my lap right now...
The funny thing is that my bosses were actually trying to better my working situation. I previously shared a moderately sized office with two other editors. I didn't have a lot of space, but I could kind of see who was coming, and I never felt as exposed as I do now. The cubicles were designed to give us more space (they are quite large) and we were allowed, even encouraged to order any kind of accessories we needed (bookshelves, etc). So I feel guilty for not liking my workspace at all, after they went to all that trouble. Originally, I was facing with my back to the door in the cubicle. Now I'm kind of facing to the side. When I asked about moving my desk around so I could face the "door," they tried to let me, but it just didn't work out because of the way it was built.
For me, the privacy factor is not because I'm doing anything illicit during work time that I don't want to be seen. I mean, I do visit the Internet occasionally, but I work really hard, and they seem to appreciate me for it. It is a comfort factor. If it were up to me, I would work at home, in my pajamas, navigating the keyboard between a cat on my lap and one dancing on the keyboard. Or, in an office setting, I would have a tiny office (I like feeling confined; I'm like a cat that way, I guess) with me facing the door, so i could see people come in and not be taken by surprise, and so I could close my door when doing an interview or on a conference call, or just if I wanted a little privacy. I don't even like eating at my desk because I feel so exposed.
Funnily enough, the coworker with whom I share a cubicle wall with actually likes cubicles, because, as she says, we get our own space but also share a larger social sphere as well. I can see what she's saying, but it still doesn't do it for me. I guess because I'm not all that social at work, I like to be able to really concentrate when I have to, which for me means, ideally, a closed space.
Well, I just kind of depressed myself about the whole cubicle situation. Luckily, I do really like my job, although they have made some strange time off decisions lately (more on that later, maybe). They allow me to go to school and were very flexible when I had my wedding last year. So, for the want of an office, my job will not be lost.
But I do wish I had a cat on my lap right now...
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Money and Sex (as in Gender)
Max got a raise today. As he recounted the circumstances to me, I was reminded of how different we are when it comes to asking for a salary/raise in a job situation.
I can never quite shake the feeling that I am lucky to have a job at all, and, therefore, have little right to question my pay. I manage to shake it off occasionally, but it lingers, every moment. Max, on the other hand, although not ungrateful for an opportunity, is never afraid to ask for a raise. He believes he deserves it, and he does. He is providing a valuable service as a designer, he says, and, although he is not irreplaceable, he is invaluable. He was offered this job for a lower salary than he desired; he only accepted once they agreed that after a trial period they would increase his pay dramatically. And they did.
For me, even when I have been promised a raise, there is always the fear that if I push too hard, I will no longer have a job. I'm not sure where this fear comes from. I was never fired, nor has ayone close to me. Perhaps it was growing up listening to my grandparents talk about the Great Depression, or maybe it is just because I'm still getting used to the fact that Max and I must support ourselves. Although our parents are extremely generous, it is just the right thing to do.
There are often studies of gender and pay, and recently it has been conjectured that the reason women are often paid less than men for similar jobs is not because of discrimination; rather, it is because they do not push as hard as men do for raises or do not ask for as high a salary to start with. I'm not sure how true it is, but it certainly reflects the attitude of this couple.
What do you think?
I can never quite shake the feeling that I am lucky to have a job at all, and, therefore, have little right to question my pay. I manage to shake it off occasionally, but it lingers, every moment. Max, on the other hand, although not ungrateful for an opportunity, is never afraid to ask for a raise. He believes he deserves it, and he does. He is providing a valuable service as a designer, he says, and, although he is not irreplaceable, he is invaluable. He was offered this job for a lower salary than he desired; he only accepted once they agreed that after a trial period they would increase his pay dramatically. And they did.
For me, even when I have been promised a raise, there is always the fear that if I push too hard, I will no longer have a job. I'm not sure where this fear comes from. I was never fired, nor has ayone close to me. Perhaps it was growing up listening to my grandparents talk about the Great Depression, or maybe it is just because I'm still getting used to the fact that Max and I must support ourselves. Although our parents are extremely generous, it is just the right thing to do.
There are often studies of gender and pay, and recently it has been conjectured that the reason women are often paid less than men for similar jobs is not because of discrimination; rather, it is because they do not push as hard as men do for raises or do not ask for as high a salary to start with. I'm not sure how true it is, but it certainly reflects the attitude of this couple.
What do you think?
Monday, June 2, 2008
Don't Drink and Hide
We have two cats: an orange one and a black one. Here, our girl reminds us that someone is always watching you when you're drunk.
Marriages, houses, and babies, oh my!
Since we've been married, Max and I have been trying to make some major decisions. The two biggest ones are where to live and when to have a baby. The baby issue is extremely complicated, so I will explore that in a separate post.
First of all, Max and I are New Yorkers. We were born and raised on Long Island, and to us, "the city" will always be Manhattan, although we've lived in Philly and in London. We made the decision to move out of New York after college because we wanted our own place, and, eventually, our own house. It is almost impossible to find a good starter home on Long Island for two people who, frankly, are not in get-rich-soon type of careers (he's an industrial designer; I'm an editor and grad student). So, after going to college in NJ (me) and PA (him), when it was time to get a place, we chose Bucks County, PA. Most of the time, we are quite happy with out choice. We love the area, and four of our best friends in the world live here. We both like our jobs, we have good commutes, and we like the people. But we are not near any of our family.
My family is still on the Island, while his has moved to upstate NY. To visit mine, it's not too bad: 1 hour and 1/2 to 2 hours (sometimes, more, depending on LI traffic). His: 3 and 1/2 hours away. His sister is slightly closer: 2 and 1/2 hours away. Since we see our families a lot, and we are the ones who moved away, this translates into a lot of traveling on our weekends. And we just can't think of a way to improve the situation. We can't afford LI (and Max doesn't want to live there) and we do not want to move upstate. It really weighs on us, especially Max. He really wants to be close to his family. But, for now, we are staying where we are, and are mostly happy about it.
We've been looking for a house since January, right after we got back from our honeymoon. We've had a few possibilities, but nothing has panned out. We'd like to take advantage of this buyer's market, but we (I) are terrified that we might get in over our head. So we wait, have our parents come up and look at the house, and we lose the house we are interested in. There is one house that we love. It's out of our price range (by 30,000), but in a buyer's market, we had a shot. So we made an offer, which was not even considered. Max refuses to offer more, even though we can afford to go a little higher, because he says the amount of money it will take to fix up the house does not justify a higher price. And he's right, but it's disappointing. So I wrote the buyer a letter, asking her to keep us in mind if she does decide to sell for a lower price.
The house is a beautiful old Victorian that has fallen into disrepair. It is owned by an elderly widow who is going to live with one of her children. Her husband did a lot of work on the house, but at one point he became sick and could no longer upkeep it. So it needs a lot of work, both esthetic and structural. The seller, however, refuses to "give her house away," and will accept nothing a few thousand under her asking price. Her realtor thinks she doesn't want to move, and this is why she is being stubborn. He's probably right; the house has been on the market for a year. We do not expect results from the letter, but we can always hope.
So with our only real prospect unlikely, our realtor told us that it looks like the mortage industry is heading back to requiring 20% down before buying a house, and we might want to consider that and not wait for too long to "get in the game." She suggested looking into a condo or townhouse, which the husband strongly opposes, or widening our search area, which is probably what we'll do.
Max's must-haves for a home:
1. Must need some work done to it (as a former carpenter, he would not be happy in an already fixed-up house)
2. Garage (so he can have a workshop)
3. Close to our gym/his karate classes
4. Good resale potential
Lee's must-haves:
1. Not on a main road
2. Nice neighborhood/decent school district
3. Some character; I don't want a "cookie-cutter" house
4. Preferably not a ranch
So we're a little depressed about the house search now, but we will march on. Anybody else going through this? Please post any encouragement/stories you can.
What I'm reading now: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
On deck: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
First of all, Max and I are New Yorkers. We were born and raised on Long Island, and to us, "the city" will always be Manhattan, although we've lived in Philly and in London. We made the decision to move out of New York after college because we wanted our own place, and, eventually, our own house. It is almost impossible to find a good starter home on Long Island for two people who, frankly, are not in get-rich-soon type of careers (he's an industrial designer; I'm an editor and grad student). So, after going to college in NJ (me) and PA (him), when it was time to get a place, we chose Bucks County, PA. Most of the time, we are quite happy with out choice. We love the area, and four of our best friends in the world live here. We both like our jobs, we have good commutes, and we like the people. But we are not near any of our family.
My family is still on the Island, while his has moved to upstate NY. To visit mine, it's not too bad: 1 hour and 1/2 to 2 hours (sometimes, more, depending on LI traffic). His: 3 and 1/2 hours away. His sister is slightly closer: 2 and 1/2 hours away. Since we see our families a lot, and we are the ones who moved away, this translates into a lot of traveling on our weekends. And we just can't think of a way to improve the situation. We can't afford LI (and Max doesn't want to live there) and we do not want to move upstate. It really weighs on us, especially Max. He really wants to be close to his family. But, for now, we are staying where we are, and are mostly happy about it.
We've been looking for a house since January, right after we got back from our honeymoon. We've had a few possibilities, but nothing has panned out. We'd like to take advantage of this buyer's market, but we (I) are terrified that we might get in over our head. So we wait, have our parents come up and look at the house, and we lose the house we are interested in. There is one house that we love. It's out of our price range (by 30,000), but in a buyer's market, we had a shot. So we made an offer, which was not even considered. Max refuses to offer more, even though we can afford to go a little higher, because he says the amount of money it will take to fix up the house does not justify a higher price. And he's right, but it's disappointing. So I wrote the buyer a letter, asking her to keep us in mind if she does decide to sell for a lower price.
The house is a beautiful old Victorian that has fallen into disrepair. It is owned by an elderly widow who is going to live with one of her children. Her husband did a lot of work on the house, but at one point he became sick and could no longer upkeep it. So it needs a lot of work, both esthetic and structural. The seller, however, refuses to "give her house away," and will accept nothing a few thousand under her asking price. Her realtor thinks she doesn't want to move, and this is why she is being stubborn. He's probably right; the house has been on the market for a year. We do not expect results from the letter, but we can always hope.
So with our only real prospect unlikely, our realtor told us that it looks like the mortage industry is heading back to requiring 20% down before buying a house, and we might want to consider that and not wait for too long to "get in the game." She suggested looking into a condo or townhouse, which the husband strongly opposes, or widening our search area, which is probably what we'll do.
Max's must-haves for a home:
1. Must need some work done to it (as a former carpenter, he would not be happy in an already fixed-up house)
2. Garage (so he can have a workshop)
3. Close to our gym/his karate classes
4. Good resale potential
Lee's must-haves:
1. Not on a main road
2. Nice neighborhood/decent school district
3. Some character; I don't want a "cookie-cutter" house
4. Preferably not a ranch
So we're a little depressed about the house search now, but we will march on. Anybody else going through this? Please post any encouragement/stories you can.
What I'm reading now: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
On deck: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
This Could Be the Start of Something New
So I've been married for almost six months. Even though I've been with my husband for a very long time, and we've lived together (all over the world, actually), marriage does make a difference. On our honeymoon (see picture--I left it a bit dark on purpose), Max (obviously not his real name; kind of a spin-off of a nickname I have for him) and I had this conversation:
Max: Now that we're married, I feel differently about cheating.
Lee: What do you mean? Now it's okay? Or was it okay before and now it's not?
Max: Stop. Not what I meant. It seems more important now not to cheat on you, like it would be worse now somehow.
Lee: Okay then. (big sigh of relief that I did not just marry a cheater)
Just recently, we had a conversation about how (if?) things have changed since we were married. When people ask me "How's married life?" I tend to smile big and say, "Exactly the same, only now we have some money in the bank!" How do you explain to an acquaintance that things are deeper, realer somehow?
By the way, my husband does happen to be an atheist; however, he has a severe moral code of honor for himself. I didn't name my blog this to offend anybody. We were actually married in the Catholic church (very long story) and I'm kind of a vague Catholic myself. Honestly, the name just kind of flowed and felt right.
Well, that was my first blog. Nowhere to go but up, I guess...
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